Let it go

I’ve always been such a control freak about everything. I hate group project, I hate coordinating with other people, I hate letting other people have control over really anything. Now, sometimes that serves me very well: things get done on time, they are typically good quality, and I’m able to stress less once I know things are done. However, it’s also a very bad thing too. Sometimes it’s impossible to do everything on your own and trying to just makes you crazy.

I remember in high school we had to do a project. We were learning about how African countries’ borders were more or less arbitrarily drawn and were supposed to redraw the borders taking into account resources, religion, etc. My teacher was absolutely terrible at explaining the project and my group did it completely wrong. When it came time to present the project, one of our group members had redone the whole project without telling anyone and had only done half the required work for it. So basically we all got a very bad grade. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that she caught our mistake but like I tend to do, she took on the whole project herself and only got it half done. Then there was a whole lot of fighting with the teacher, lying to cover people’s ass, etc. but that’s a different story for a different time. The point is, sometimes it’s impossible to do it all or to force people to help you do things so you just have to let it go and leave it in the hands of other capable people.

Take my fiance for example. We’re starting to get wedding things set to go and along with a million other things he needs his baptism certificate and I need the address of his family to start addressing our Save the Dates. Sure I could call up his parents and ask for addresses or where he got baptized but that isn’t my job! I have my baptism certificates and family addresses. I’ve reminded him numerous times to get this together because it can take time. Has he done it? Not really. Does it bother me? oh, hell yes! But that doesn’t mean I’m going to go out of my way and take on the stress to do it myself. I know he will get it done; not when I want him to, but he will. Part of the reason I asked him to do it so early is because I know he will take FOREVER just go get it done.

As much as I would love to be able to control everything around me, I just can’t. Some things are just out of my control and I have to find a way to let it go. It’s a struggle and some days I do better than others but I know that in order to be happy and not burn the candle at both ends, it’s something I need to do.

What like it’s hard?

I am all over Legally Blonde quotes lately. Maybe it was the recent visit with my sorority sisters or maybe I’m just due to watch the movie again, but it’s happening. 

I guess we’ve hit the point in the semester where I’m supposed to start panicking? I’m not completely sure if that’s true but according to everyone, professors, students, etc. I should be freaking out over finals. Yet, I’m not. I’m not even a little. My first final is in just over a month and while I’m nervous because it’s a closed book final, I’m just not stressed out about any of this. I’m not worried about passing finals or doing well, I know I can do well. I’m finishing my final paper for a class today and then there is only 4 classes I need to worry about. For some reason, I don’t think 4 classes and 4 finals will be that difficult. Ok, yes my civ pro professor is cutting us slack so we have a take home exam but I’m still not worried about any exams. I’ve kept up on my notes (or caught up depending on the class) and I’m fairly confident in my ability to get my outlines done within the next week. Maybe it’s because I took 21+ credits every semester of undergrad but the pressure just hasn’t gotten to me yet. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have a TON of work to get done. Outlines, reading, hypos, classes, plus everything else that’s on my personal to do list but I just don’t feel stressed out about anything. I have a paper due tomorrow, reading for Monday, outlines by Friday. I just prioritize and get it done? It’s worked thus far and I’m at the middle, if not higher, of my class. 

Maybe I’m overconfident and I’ll completely freak out soon. I don’t know but for right now, it just doesn’t seem that stressful or overwhelming. Here’s to hoping that feeling lasts!

Neat little boxes

When I first started learning possessory estates, my property professor said that every single estate has to be crammed into one of seven? (maybe not, it’s late and I don’t feel like counting) boxes. I never thought about how much in my life I try to neatly cram into a box just to make sense of life. I like things to be categorized, color coated, and organized so putting things into “boxes” seems like a natural process.

Lately, my life has been more difficult to put into perfect little boxes. School has consumed my life and it’s not as easy to separate school, Patrick, and doing the most basic things to keep my life going. I’ve never had so many things going on at once that needed my attention at the same time. In a few weeks, the semester starts to wrap up and I have finals, a paper on a topic I’ve never heard of, moving home, etc. It’s crazy to think time has gone by this fast.

I’m used to being stressed out; it’s just my personality. I didn’t expect for so many things in my life to be stressful all at once. I almost want to get things out of the way just to be done with them regardless of if it is the right decision or not. I guess I figure if I narrow down my to do list, things will go back to being in neat little boxes. I have a hard time accepting that life isn’t a series of boxes you can shove every aspect of your life into. It’s scary and overwhelming. I know at some point I’ll have to grow up and face the real world where things never go how you want them to, but for now I just want to be able to act my own age.